Seven seasons, 198 hats, one Frank Rossitano.
All images via NBC
197. Wet To Activate
(Episode 4-3)—Frank, no.
196. Ho Ho Horny
(Episode 2-9)—NO, Frank. BAD.
(Episode 3-1)—*Weeps softly* Why, Frank?
(Episode 1-9)—Maybe he has a lot of friends named Rodrick.
(Episode 6-6)—Absolutely not.
(Episode 6-7)—I said no.
190. Squeeze It
(Episode 1-15)—I’ll assume he means ketchup bottles.
(Episode 2-5)—Mine are frowning at this hat.
188. Shower Scene
(Episode 2-9)—As off-putting as the word “moist.”
186. High Score
(Episode 1-12)—The video game reference may be consistent with the essence of the character, but I crave more.
185. Arcade Champ
(Episode 1-4)—I don’t doubt it.
184. 1,000,000 Points
183. Acoustic Demo
(Episode 5-4)—This feels very unFrank. Very unFrank indeed.
182. Wide and Tight
(Episode 4-11)—What how.
(Episode 3-16)—I’ll be honest. I can’t read that hat. I think it says VHS, but some internet sources say it reads VWD, which is a hereditary bleeding disorder. Both are upsetting, so let’s move on.
180. Seemiller Grip
(Episode 4-3)—Ping-Pong players know all the moves.
179. Rescue Team
(Episode 2-13)—Yes, I am sure that trucker hats are standard-issue uniform for most emergency workers.
178. E.S.P. Tutor
(Episode 1-8)—If Frank’s oversized spectacles weren’t enough to indicate his extra-sensory intelligence, now he has a hat to prove it.
177. Kill Screen
(Episode 2-1)—Brb, renaming my punk band.
176. Coool As Ice
(Episode 1-16)—The third O! WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
175. Mystery Solver
(Episode 1-19)—Because the word “detective” is so overdone.
174. Alabama Legsweep
(Episode 1-20)—Let me guess, this is a sex move?
173. Tandem Alert
(Episode 5-18)—I’m just going to be real and admit that I don’t know what this is.
(Episode 4-5)—I like this hat as much as I like actual scanners.
(Episode 2-1)—Perhaps a great way to get free money from unsuspecting strangers, but who knows where they’ll insert it.
(Episode 2-2)—That’s the spirit.
(Episode 2-7)—Does he have a problem with someone or does he enjoy cow products? Does he have a problem with cow products?
167. Right Boot
(Episode 2-7)—If he doesn’t have a hat that says “Left Boot” I just don’t know what to do with myself.
166. Defcon 50
(Episode 4-17)—Sounds serious.
165. Phase 3
(Episode 3-9)—Much better than phases 1 and 2.
(Episode 6-5)—He is pretty twisted.
(Episode 7-3)—Perhaps he forgot how to spell?
162. Dot Matrix
(Episode 5-17)—Too techy for my liking.
161. Code Breaker
(Episode 5-16)—Not something you’d want to advertise on a hat, I would think?
(Episode 6-10)—Frank very well could be a cryptid.
159. Long and Twisted
(Episode 5-1)—iPhone ear buds! Volleyball nets in storage! A python with a sick mind!
158. Reverse Pendulum
(Episode 3-14)—Don’t get excited. It’s not physics, it’s a Ping-Pong serve.
157. Speed Glue
(Episode 5-8)—Man, this guy loves Ping-Pong.
156. Two Fare Zone
(Episode 3-13)—He clearly has expensive taste.
155. [Jumbled letters]
(Episode 3-11)—Jkgkljw vkja aklj awkjg ak aolnva aoweotu?
154. First Class
(Episode 4-6)—Somehow I’m not convinced.
153. Foley Artist
(Episode 3-6)—He specializes in human digestion sounds, I bet.
152. Bronx Golf Club
(Episode 3-6)—Ironic only because there’s no way Frank plays golf, not because the Bronx doesn’t have a golf course.
(Episode 2-8)—Mystifying wrestling jargon has no better place than on hats.
150. Long Pips
(Episode 4-1)—Long pips refer to the style of Ping-Pong paddle some players use to get more topspin, but doesn’t it sound like a venereal disease?
149. Last Shot First
(Episode 4-17)—Film school mumbo jumbo, I’m assuming.
148. Under the Bottom
(Episode 4-15)—Sounds low.
(Episode 2-8)—This is what Harvard students wear at graduation I heard.
146. Got It
(Episode 2-7)—Happens to the best of us. Don’t fret, Frankie.
145. Maintenance Required
(Episode 6-16)—Thank you for the fair warning.
(Episode 7-8)—Thank you for the fairer warning.
(Episode 2-11)—Or what? TELL ME.
(Episode 3-17)—It’s like he’s naked.
(Episode 4-11)—For all of life’s mistakes.
140. Pound for Pound
139. Brain Masala
(Episode 7-1)—It’s a delicacy, just like Frank.
(Episode 4-12)—Subway. Busway. Frank’s way.
(Episode 4-8)—I still feel like I was too young to see IT.
(Episode 4-10)—Setting means everything with this one.
135. Game Changer
(Episode 3-17)—I like to imagine all he’s talking about here is that moment while playing video games where you have to stand up, walk over to the console, and put in a new game.
133. Drapes Carpet
132. In Training
(Episode 4-10)—Potty? Or bra?
131. Done Deal
(Episode 1-2)—Strong. Commanding. Confident. Am I talking about Frank or his hat? Honestly, you should know the answer to this.
130. Emotional Friend
(Episode 3-12)—Thank you for the warning, I will not bring up my recent breakup around you.
(Episode 3-19)—Who says Frank’s not in touch with his feminine side?
128. Laser Disc
(Episode 3-16)—Man, remember laser discs? They were like the love child of a vinyl record and and CD. Kitschy but lovable, not unlike Frank.
127. Kung Fu Beech
(Episode 1-8)—Beech, as in the tree? Beech, as in a purposeful misspelling of “beach”? Beech, as in a vaguely racist pronunciation of “bitch”? You’re a mystery, Mr. Rossitano.
126. Bigfoot Expert
(Episode 1-4)—Big shoes to fill.
125. Semi Legal
(Episode 7-4)—Those are the eyes of a man who’s done some fully legal things.
124. All the Way
(Episode 4-15)—He’s a man of commitment, you can see it on his face (or, you know, read it on his hat).