1. Why they wear drop-crotch pants.
I don’t know if these pants look more like factory rejects or a toddler’s saggy diaper, but either way they’re not cute.
2. Their constant texting.
Breathe. Text. Breathe. Text. Breathe. Text. Breathe. Text. Breathe…
3. How they refuse to talk on the phone even to make plans.
So they don’t want to chat on the phone. Fine. But why do they insist on trading 40 texts over 20 minutes to hammer out plans instead of just having a 90-second conversation?
4. The way they describe people as being YouTube, Instagram, or Vine celebrities.
Can you really call people who sit on their beds and talk into webcams (or make 15-second videos on their phones) celebrities?
Someone needs to teach these young people what a REAL celebrity looks like:
Chuck Norris was on Vine even before the internet was invented.
5. When they use Snapchat to send anything other than a sex pic.
I get why someone would want to send a nudie pic that disappears after five seconds, but a Snapchat of your dog? What’s the point of that?
6. What the deal was with Pokémon.
Thousands of cards, weird animals, a bizarro cartoon… What the hell was that?
7. Their love of One Direction, a boy band that doesn’t dance.
A boy band is supposed to dance!
8. Why they take so many selfies.
Someday their grandkids will find thousands of pics of them with their phones in front of their faces. Um, awesome?
9. How they can play video games with controllers like this:
What could they possibly need so many buttons for?
Everyone knows you only need two.
10. How they reveal their entire life online.
Drug use? Casual sex? What they really think of their boss? It’s all just a few clicks away.
12. How they could possibly think this teen wolf:
13. How they never listen to voicemails.
If you leave a voicemail, but no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?
14. Their total disregard for punctuation and grammar online.
Their writing entirely in lowercase is baffling too. It’s like e.e. cummings if he’d dropped out of junior high school.
17. The way they use GIFs to express emotion in an email. If you send a young person a message like this…
18. What Tinder is exactly.
It helps them hook up with people…somehow.
19. Their love of Twilight and total failure to call BS on sparkly vampires.
20. How they can listen to dubstep.
It sounds like when my car won’t start.
21. Why they don’t want to hang out with us more.
We promise we can be a lot of fun and will do our best not to make any corny jokes. We’ll also try to dance to the dubstep! So call us. I mean, uh, text us!